When marauding orcs invade a US National Park, our collective fates lie in the hands of Ranger Cal Robertson and his side-kick, Volunteer Cadet Hobie, who must stop the wave of destruction before the whole world is overrun. Faced with extinction, two park rangers are forced to defend the national park against hordes of rampaging orcs. Ancient and long forgotten, these orcs are unleashed from the depths of the mountains, and they won't stop until we're all dead. In Orcs!, forest rangers Cal (Adam Johnson) and Hobie (Maclain Nelson) battle a horde of mythical monsters from Middle-Earth, who emerge from a mountain to wreak havoc in a National Park. Such a set up is clearly intended to be nothing more than a bit of dumb fun, but while the film is certainly dumb, there's not nearly enough fun, with a lack of decent jokes and scares, and a failure to deliver on the outrageous gore and gratuitous nudity suggested by an early shot of a decapitated head on a stick and the presence of two young hotties in tight vests.<br/><br/>Most notable of all, perhaps, is the distinct lack of actual creatures. Sure, there are plenty of extras running around in cheap looking suits of armour, but as far as identifiable orcs are concerned—you know, ugly critters with real bad complexions and over-sized fangs—well, they can be counted on the fingers of one hand. No doubt this was due to budgetary constraints, but the viewer can't help but feel a tad cheated. This is where an excess of gore and a spot of nudity would have come in handy: after all, it doesn't cost a fortune to throw some buckets of blood around and get a few aspiring starlets to strip off, and it sure would have helped matters immensely.<br/><br/>Instead, we get irritating main characters, supposedly 'witty' dialogue that falls flat on its face, one or two unconvincing death scenes, a repetitive over-long night-time siege totally devoid of tension, and a couple of inexplicable pastiches of key scenes from The Fellowship of the Ring which are neither clever nor funny—all of which adds up to an instantly forgettable waste of time. So let's get the obvious stuff out of the way. Orcs! is a parody of Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy where orcs have been released from their mountain prison and are now on a rampage thru a national park. <br/><br/>Our would-be heroes are parks rangers Loser and Dumbass, hippy tree hugger / Amazon warrior princess and Pee-man. Worse than the characters themselves is the acting, making each character completely unbelieving and impossible to warm to. The film suffers greatly from a lack of budget, with the orcs wearing masks to save costs on make-up and off- screen action moments. Simply put, the original A-team TV show had better special effects.<br/><br/>That being said I will admit the director showed some real skill in hiding the lack of budget with some trick photography. But it doesn't make up for a bad story and the simple fact that Orcs! just isn't entertaining.<br/><br/>I don't recommend this movie.
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